Sorry the site has been without updates the past few days. I caught a lovely bug this weekend and have since been sick like a dog. I’ve not been feeling all that up to posting on the site, but today I’m feeling much better. Thought I would post an update and let everyone know I’m doing alright. I’ll be posting the December Free Play winner in the next few days. As far as episode 11 goes, my voice is getting much better and I should be able to finish the voice over soon. Thanks again for all your support guys (and gals)!

Every great video game has many components which come together to form one cohesive gooey ball of moist and chewy goodness (that sounded strangely dirty). Along with all the usual suspects, character design has been a major part in any superb video game. Although, as of late, many high profile games have lost this all important piece of the gaming puzzle…

This all came as a crashing realization while I was perusing a local game store. As my eye passed by the hundreds of covers, a lingering feeling of deja vu fell over me. I swore I had seen the previous character on the last cover. Then again on the next. After sometime, it turned into some sort of sick game. Not only were many of these characters similar, they were all vaguely bland and boring.

The above picture is but a small depiction of the characters guilty of this crime. From left to right, Fracture, God of War, Mass Effect, and Force Unleashed. I give you the jury proof of these henious crimes:

- The same bald and/or buzzed haircut
- The same average adult male build
- The same everyman tough guy face
- The same dull design

I ask the jury take all of these points into consideration. For far too long, these cookie cutter characters have tainted an otherwise creative craft. With irrefutable fact such as these, I see no other conclusion then a verdict of GUILTY!

I know, I know, some of you are crying foul on this. “But Kratos is such a bad mo fo!”. Yes, he’s all big, bad, and buff, but strip him of his predictable bad boy act, and look at him as merely a character, and you’d be better off inserting Mr. Clean in his stead.

Then others of you say, “But they have such great personalities, stories, gameplay, and blah blah blah”. Oh yes, I agree. Many of these characters have some great mechanics. Some, such as the aforementioned Kratos, have slick gameplay. So then why water it down with this sickly exterior? It’s plain lazy. It should be even less tolerated in games with such amazing traits as it does nothing but leave the player with a bitter aftertaste

These are but a few of the suspects guilty of this crime. But, let’s not blame this upon the creations themselves for they did not ask to be formed into this blob of mediocrity. It was the designers themselves responsible for these injustices. Why and when did this trend start? What convention did all these designers meet up and agree to make the most mundane and docile creations possible. Even worse, these are supposedly the main characters in their respective game.

Now I have nothing against bald or buzzed people, as I am one of them, but when the gaming landscape is saturated with these abominations, it becomes a problem. What happened to characters that looked amazing and exuded creativity? Characters that took time and effort to craft a persona unseen before. Something new, fresh, and previously unseen. Of course the argument could be made that this ideal is much harder as many ideas have been used already. While I give a small amount of credence to that argument, for the most part, I disagree. When did the human imagination become so stagnant that it could no longer reach beyond the status quo? Who put limitations upon a designer’s ingenuity? The human imagination is a boundless and beautiful thing and is hardly limited.

For far too long we have taken this siting down, standing up, and upside down. Personally I’m a little sore from the whole ride. I’m going back to play Strider 2.

Over the past few months, I’ve had a few viewers ask me why don’t I give “scores” or “points” to games I review. While this may be popular in other video game review shows, magazines, or in general, I find it annoying and useless…

Think about it. Let’s say a reviewer gives game “X” a 7.8 out of 10, while he gives another game a 3 out of 10. Of course it’s quite easy to see which game is better. Problem being, there’s more then one game video game out there. In fact there’s quite a few from what I understand. Problem number two, what if game “X” gets an 8.3? Are you really saying to yourself, “Wow, an 8.3? Well shucks, had the game been an 8.2, I would have never bought it, but that extra 0.1 really got me all jazzed about it!”

You’re right, no sane human being would ever say such a thing (hopefully you wouldn’t say “jazzed” either). Then you have a myriad of different scoring systems from 1 out of 4, to A+ to F, then there’s the this percent out of 100%, and the list goes on and on. It’s all a bunch of inconsequential mumbo jumbo worth about as much as half a mosquito fart (yes, that is a quantifiable measurement). When it comes down to it, all that matters is should you buy the game, or should you not buy the game. In this day and age of $60 video games (I still can’t believe it myself), why mess it up with this bull? Either the game is worth the money, or it’s not.

So, I’ve simplified it down to basics. We’re not in school anymore, and I don’t expect people to memorize a bunch of meaningless figures. It’s just as simple as “Yes, buy the game, it is good”. Ah, but you say, “Brian, you review so many great games, I cannot afford to buy them all. You crack dealing video game fiend, I am ruined!!”. While I hear your cries, not to worry, you don’t have to buy every game all at once. Think of it as a little checklist of sorts. Once you buy a game, check it off the list and move on. Collect them all even!

Then others say, “Yes Brian, I am so filthy rich I can eat magical unicorn buttholes all day. So I can afford all the games you review, but in what order should I buy them?”. Yet another astute question. The answer is, whatever order tickles your fancy (that’s phrase always sounded a bit odd to me). I try and review a wide array of games so that at least one game in my many reviews will suit your tastes. Then after that, be adventurous and try all the video game flavors.

I would end this with some little quip or smart remark, but I’m all out at the moment.