The newest installment in the Mission Impossible franchise hit theaters this Holiday and this time around it is directed by none other than Brad Bird (Yupp, the Incredibles guy). In my opinion with the James Bond franchise swinging towards more realistic scenarios, I’m seeing this franchise taking over in the high impact action movie scene. Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) is back a few years after the events of MI:III and his team this time around consists of Brandt (Jeremy Renner), Benji (Simon Pegg) and Jane (Paula Patton).

Ghost Protocol is by far the funniest Mission Impossible, large thanks to Simon Pegg’s character who frequently comes into the action sequences and steals the scene with his comments. By no means does this take place of the action, because this movie has tons of it.

Find out more of my thoughts after the jump.

Like I said, this movie has some insane action scenes and they feel even more realistic because of how they are filmed. Everyone knows Tom Cruise is insane, fact of life at this point, but in that insanity comes an incredible actor. If he can do it, he will. To film one of the more intense, “Holy Shit” moments in this movie he is literally hanging on the side of the largest building in the world, the Burj Khalifa in Dubai. Check out the image below, he is really doing it.

The rest of the cast truly hold their own weight throughout the film. I’ve already mentioned Simon Pegg’s character is really funny, but Paula Patton is as gorgeous as she is deadly in this movie. No wonder Tom Cruise is dangling over the Burj Khalifa if it allows him to work with her. Also, Jeremy Renner is no slouch in this film with plenty of action scenes as well as some good humor to boot.

The mission, should they choose to accept it, is to stop the character Cobalt from receiving a list of nuclear trigger codes from an assassin, to top it off they have no support. Tensions are high throughout the whole film, they visit some gorgeous locales such as Dubai and India, and the action flows from start to finish.

Truly MI:I set the stage for a new action franchise, MI:II strayed a bit while MI:III knocked it out of the park. Ghost Protocol comes back, delivers and then some. This movie is a solid choice this holiday season, it delivers thrilling action, great comedy, and the usual Mission Impossible twists and turns! Go see it today!

The Adventures of Tintin is out now and is it worth your holiday cash? The advertisements say that it takes the best parts of Indiana Jones and Pirates of Caribbean and mashes them together. In a nutshell, yes that is how this feels, and that is a damn good feeling. Tintin is at it’s heart a true adventure film, delivering a fantastic journey that essentially anyone can enjoy. This film is kid friendly but by no means a kid movie.

My full thoughts after the jump.

The title sequence does a great job of highlighting Herge’s original vision while beautifully transitioning into the CG film, all the while being a really fun backstory to the characters. The first thing you notice when the movie begins is how gorgeous the animation is. The way the characters move and interact, especially Snowy the dog, are so lifelike it’s unbelievable. Throughout the movie you visit one beautiful location after another; from oceans to deserts this movie has it all.

I only saw this film in 2D so I can’t account for the 3D although the movie is so beyond colorful I would almost recommend the 2D as 3D can dull the color palette of most films. Not to mention the surcharge of 3D films is a bit high for my tastes. To each their own though.

Honestly this film puts Spielberg back to his old self, pre Crystal Skull (which I don’t believe is as bad as everyone makes it out to be, but definitely the weakest example of Indie). Like I said this is a true adventure film and kid friendly but not a kids film. What I mean by this is there is nothing vulgar about it, feel free to take your kids to this film but the characters carry guns and are frequently put into mortal danger. One of the main characters is essentially a drunk through most of the film, so definite alcohol references.

Overall, 100% worthwhile film. It has great adventure and locales, top notch animation, and definitely worth your holiday cash. Take your family out to see The Adventures of Tintin and you will not be disappointed!

Microsoft surprised me today when it released it’s own Xbox Live app for something other than a Windows phone. Now if you own an iPhone or iPad you can get some of your Xbox 360 experience on the go. I, still high on the new Xbox (ad polluted) Dashboard update, had to download this as soon as possible. First and foremost you should note that this application is free, so you might as well give it a shot if you have an iOS device along with a Xbox 360. Secondly you should note that this app is gorgeously designed if you like simplicity.

Find out my full thoughts on the jump!

The interface for this app is pretty damn slick. The new app imports your avatar, achievements, friends, messages and wardrobe. On all screens you have access to your message box, which you can send and receive messages to anyone on your friends list at any time. Personally, I love this, as I do not have a chat pad for my 360 and hate using the controller to form messages, so now I will use my phone at all time.

From the home screen you have access to Xbox’s spotlight videos which play quickly without issue. You can swipe to the right and get to your account page where your Xbox avatar pops in to greet you. They have the full animations that you would see on your Xbox, which is pretty rad to see my baby Chocobo dancing on my iPhone around my avatar. From here you can access your full friends list with all the same options you would have on your console, you can even see all of their avatars and animations.

With the new Xbox dashboard update came a new option called “Beacons” which has been added to the iOS app. These are basically settings which you can add to say that you are interested in playing a specific title with friends online to help promote online gaming. From the avatar screen you can even fully customize your wardrobe on the fly and it updates automatically, which is pretty neat.

If you swipe right one more time you come to the games page, which shows all the games you have played as well as your achievements. You can compare games and achievements through your phone against your friends list here as well

All in all, this app does most everything you would expect, about the only thing this needs is a marketplace, or potentially themes like the console. If you have an iOS device as well as an Xbox 360 go get this app, it is free, gorgeous, and works. Go, go get it now!

So I’ve finally summed up my entire experience with Dark Souls. It’s long but hang with me. Let me preface this post by saying I am not a fan of the original Demon’s Souls. I could go into detail, but suffice to say it was not an enjoyable experience. Now I know some of you may think my negative viewpoint will taint my judgment of Dark Souls. First of all, never use the word taint in my presence. Second I can promise you I played the game with an open mind. I simply wanted to give Dark Souls its’ day in court.

This is not a full on review. More of my impressions of the game. Since I played only a dozen or so hours, I cannot give an exhaustive review of every aspect nor do I intend to. This is just my thoughts on my time with the game. I am not the type of person to simply rely on reviews or even suggestions of friends. While these are both excellent sources of information, they cannot substitute playing the actual game. With that in mind I rented a copy of Dark Souls from my local RedBox for a paltry two dollars. A minimum investment for an informed opinion I figured.

And so my journey into the dark abyss began…

Starting the game up, I was greeted with the typical character customization screen we’re all familiar with. I tinkered around with a few of the options. Some of them seemed very clear on the affect they would have on gameplay and/or my character. Other options were more vague while still others were downright misleading or false. After a bit of tinkering around I settled on the Hunter.

The game opened with a cut scene telling of an ancient evil bent on doing bad things and yadda yadda. Ya know your typical end of ages plot. While certainly not a new idea, it didn’t really affect my judgment of the game. I don’t get hung up on story so it really wasn’t an issue. Hey, I’ll fight the endless legions of evil for nothing more than a slice of pecan pie.

The environments were nice. A normal high fantasy type of setting. I did like a lot of the enemy designs. Some were just plain screwy. I gotta believe the art team at From Software were taking a hit off the old magic pipe when coming up with some of these ideas. The graphics did a good job interpenetrating the overall art direction. Areas felt varied and expansive without a lot of repeating elements. You can tell a lot of time and dedication went into this world.

Starting the game out I reacquainted myself with the controls. For the most part they did the job. Though game developers is it too much to ask for custom button mapping? Seriously, it doesn’t take that much effort. In fact it takes less effort to allow me to assign any button to any action than to program it. Plus it allows disabled and handicapped gamers a chance to play the game as well. Games like Skyrim have this option and it makes the experience that much more enjoyable. Anyway targeting was performed by clicking in R3, something I still don’t understand. Why would you use the same stick for targeting and target switching that you use for camera control? Also roll was assigned to the ‘O’ button when for me it would have been much more convenient assigned to the ‘X’ button. Again button mapping would solve this little issue. Other than that the controls worked well.

On a side note, why is there no pause button? Even when I’m not connected to the online world I can’t pause the game. Look I realize this is supposed to be some grand connected online experience, but what if I need to pee mid game? What if I need to get a drink, get the door, take the dog outside, or any of a dozen different things normal human beings do? Must I be tethered to my screen until I find a save point? I’m forced to sit the controller down and hope there’s not some enemy who’ll pull my innards out from my eye socket while I’m taking a leak.

The battle system certainly harkened back to the days of Demon’s Souls. Slow and deliberate. I understand many people enjoy this kind of battle system. For me, it’s way too lethargic. You can’t really take on more than about two enemies at once. That and they must be in front of you at all times. Trying to attack/defend an enemy in front and in back does not work. This lead me to draw out enemies so I could finish them off one at a time. It was too risky to engage multiple enemies at once. Again, that is the way they designed the battle system, but I felt it only hampered the experience for me.

Though the worst offender of the combat system is the almighty stamina gauge. This is represented by a green bar underneath your constantly-abused health gauge. Swing your sword, and some stamina is used up. Follow through with a combo attack, and some more is expended. Defend an enemy attack, and more of that sweet green bar is depleted. Any action other than walking will most likely require stamina. Of course it refills over time when not in use. The speed of the stamina gauge depends on your stats and certain other factors. If it runs out, you’re left open for an attack. This system was most likely implemented to bring more of an active RPG element into the game. Personally I’m more of an attack as fast and as much as you can kind of guy. I don’t like a bar dictating when I can attack, defend, parry, run, or roll. Just let me play. Though this aspect also affirms the methodical pace the game requires. That being said the battle system does work. Maybe not to my liking, but it’s certainly serviceable.

I have a very love/hate relationship with how Dark Souls’s world is setup compared to Demon’s Souls. On one hand I love the idea of an open world. No longer are areas segmented by endless loading screens. It flows to make the experience more organic. On the other hand I really hate the fact the game doesn’t do a better job pointing you in the right direction. I understand you are supposed to find out for yourself by searching around. That’s the whole point. Though there are not many if any clues as to where you should go in relation to your current level/quest. I have no problem figuring out clues, but some are far too cryptic and vague.

For instance I went into an area with a ton of skeleton enemies near the beginning of the game. As I was told later by other more experienced players, I was not supposed to go there until later in the game. So why is it open? Why allow me to wander aimlessly for the better part of an hour if this isn’t the way to go? The argument could be made you should look at the clues on the ground or talk to the various NPCs, but even those don’t give you too many specifics as to your next destination. I feel the game should have done a better job providing clues or leading you in some sort of logical progression.

Then there’s the music, or lack thereof. Where is it? I’ve heard many people say, “Oh it builds ambience” or “It accentuates your footsteps and the clang of your sword in battle.” I could certainly understand that line of thinking. That is if the game truly did a magnificent job of building said ambience. For me it felt very empty and hollow without music. Granted certain areas and boss battles had music, but most of the game was merely sound effects. Even a simple light background track would have greatly enhanced the game. I later got a chance to listen to the full soundtrack and really enjoyed it! I would have loved it if they included these songs throughout the whole game as you triumphantly charged to your own impending death!

Speaking of dying, there’s a lot of it in Dark Souls. I’ve been told by many people Demon’s Souls is a “hard” game. I’ve also been told Dark Souls is even harder than Demon’s Souls. Truth be told, the actual game itself wasn’t difficult, but the way in which it’s designed gives the illusion of difficulty. I’d go so far as to say the game is downright unsportsmanlike. Simply put it sucker punches you. Let me give you example of what I mean.

So I’m heading up this straight staircase and about halfway up I spot a flaming barrel. Mind you I’m walking at a normal pace so my first instinct is to run back the other way. Of course as we’ve covered before, nothing you do in Dark Souls is fast. This includes turning around and running. So of course I’m run over by this barrel and it just so happens it also pushes me off the edge of the staircase causing me to fall to my death.

How was I supposed to know that was going to happen? I had no advance warning or sign of this impending danger until it was too late. Fact of the matter is, the barrel was put there to hurt me. It wasn’t a test of skill. I was halfway up the stairs with no way to avoid the attack other than rolling off the side of the cliff and dying (which kind of defeats the purpose of my whole quest). I tried turning and running as fast as I could, but there was no way to avoid it.

You may say, “Well you’re just not quick enough.” Keep in mind you’re talking to a guy who beat Bayonetta on Non-stop Climax mode and is a bullet hell aficionado. I may not be the fastest gaming guns in the West, but I can assure you my reaction skills are quite intact. It’s the slow mechanics of the game mixed with its’ penchants for sucker punches that caused my death.

I’ll give you another example. I go up another flight of stairs, mind you with a bit more caution after my last incident with a barrel to the face, and find before me a long bridge. There’s a few enemies scattered about. Nothing serious, only a couple of archers and a few swordsmen. I walk towards them and get to about a third of the way across the bridge when out of nowhere a dragon sweeps in and blazes the entire bridge with fire. Of course this sets me on fire thereby melting my flesh and taking a ton of health. I hobble back the way I came as the red dragon perches itself on the opposite side of the bridge. I imagine it’s having a good lulz over the whole thing.

Again, how is that fair? Someone told me I should have known a dragon would reign fire upon me by the black char marks on the bridge. What? Am I Columbo now? I’m supposed to derive, “Hey there’s a dragon that will come out of the sky and burn you with hellfire” from a few black spots on the bridge? Still others said I should have looked for the red marks players left as clues. They will give you hints or general ideas of danger, but nothing as specific as “Big red dragon will burn you to a crisp if you step foot on this bridge.” That has nothing to do with skill. You will get hit by it. It’s not an option and you can’t be good enough to avoid it. It’s not hard just a sucker punch.

Oh but it doesn’t stop there my friends. No I’ve saved the best sucker punch for last. After being steam rolled by a barrel and turned into dragon a shish kabob, I entered a spiral staircase. I slowly climbed the staircase and said to myself, “I bet the game is going to troll me right now.” How little I knew. Carefully I progressed upward to see what would greet me at the top. Before I reached the top I saw the golden armored foot of a powerful enemy above. “Ha!” I said to myself as I proceeded to slowly walk back down the spiral staircase. Even if he had seen me, I could at least run away and get to better ground.

But the game had other plans because coming up the spiral staircase was another enemy. This then lead to what I liked to call the “Dark Souls Oreo of Infinite Pain”. The two enemies were the crunchy chocolate cookies, and I was the creamy white middle. Though unlike a tasty Oreo, there was nothing good about this. My first instinct was to try and run. Well the powers that be designed the game so I could neither jump over or go around the enemies in this staircase. I was stuck. I couldn’t defend as I would have to block front and back with perfect precision and pray they didn’t both attack me at once. I couldn’t attack them as that would leave me open for a counter attack by one or both of the enemies. Even if I could do anything, my stamina gauge would run out and I’d be dead anyway. So there I was, getting gang banged by both enemies. I resigned myself to death.

And that’s where my journey with Dark Souls ended. All the issues up until this point were something I could possibly get used to or understand how others could. Once the sucker punches came, I was officially done.

The best analogy I could use is Mike Tyson’s Punchout for the NES. You all remember that game right? Hard as nails. You had to earn every victory and it only got more difficult as you progressed. Even so it was beatable. Remember how you beat Mike Tyson at the end (or Mr. Dream if you had the lame version)? You looked for patterns. He would raise his eyebrows or move in a certain way. It was at that moment you knew you had to take action either by dodging or punching. Sure you’d get wailed on the first few times, but after you understood what those signals meant, you adapted and became better finally beating him. Dark Souls offers none of that. It’s like playing Mike Tyson with no signs or patterns of attack. Just a flurry of attacks you can in no way be prepared for until you’re knocked out. Sound like fun? Not to me. Not to me my friend.

As Joy Division put it, you’re no good for me Dark Souls.

If I have gained anything out of this, it’s the affirmed notion you should always try out new and different games for yourself. Sure you’ll play some stinkers and games that just aren’t for you, but it’s about those few hidden gems that rise to the top that make it all worth it. If you don’t try them, you might miss out on a unique experience. Why do I feel there should be a rainbow with the words “The More You Know” scrolling by?

P.S. If you read through this entire article, kudos to you. Go get yourself an Oreo!

P.S.S. A big thanks to MANvsGAME for his suggestion. Whether I enjoyed it or not, it’s certainly an experience I was glad to partake in.

Of all the games on my radar, Ace Combat Assault Horizon hit me in the face like an angry blue marlin (It makes sense if you don’t think about it). I’ve never been a huge fan of the series. Was always more of a Air Force Delta kind of guy. Though a few months ago a trailer for the game changed all that. Sporting a brand new combat system with dynamic camera angles and arcade like gameplay, I was certainly intrigued.

After gleefully downloading Radiant Silvergun…wait, you didn’t know it was out? Go on, do it. I’ll be here waiting for you to do your gaming duty. You done? Alright let’s continue. Anyway, I perused the rest of the new releases and what do you know, there was a demo for Assault Horizon. Would it be everything the trailers made it out to be? I was about to find out…

The game opens with an elaborate cutscene about bombs and bad guys and who’s the bigger doo doo head blah blah blah. Now I’m sure this will all be pertinent and interesting in the full version of the game, but I’m simply interested in how it plays. After the opening you’re put into the seat of an F-22 Raptor. The game starts things off easy enough by acclimating you with the basic controls. Then things get interesting.

The first thing I noticed was a new “Optimum” control option. This differs from the original control method in that it prevents the player from doing full rolls but it gives you the stability needed to engage in ‘Close Range Assault System’ (CRAS). Once you engage your first baddy you’re told to activate the CRAS by pressing both the left and right bumpers. The camera instantly slams tightly against the top right wing of the plane making the action much more dynamic.

At this point you’ve got two options: fire your machine gun and shred the plane to bits, or lock on with missiles and blow them away. The closer you get to the enemy, the more frequently you can shoot off your missiles. This mode has the added bonus of making both your machine gun and missiles more accurate and deadly. As the enemy tries avoid your attacks the camera automatically follows and leads you in the direction of the enemy. This can lead to some white knuckled weaving through city buildings and shipyards.

Once you land the killing blow, a spurt of gas and oil erupts from the enemy plane and splats onto your windshield. They weren’t kidding when they said “make metal bleed”. It adds a very visceral effect to the whole experience. Got an enemy plane on your six? No problem. Slow down while pressing both bumper buttons to pull a Top Gun and turn the tables on your foe.

Now someone on the Ace Combat team has got to be a fan of old school arcade games because this next trick is ripped right from the After Burner handbook. If you find yourself in the thick of multiple enemies, press ‘X’ to equip what can best be described as mega multiple lock on missile. Firing this bad boy sends up to four missile careening into your enemies.

There’s also another mode where you’re given the chance to pilot a helicopter, a first for the Ace Combat series. These levels are a bit slower paced but hey, a helicopter isn’t exactly the fastest thing in the air. You’re tasked with more escort like missions firing from on high at targets on the ground. While not as balls to the wall as the fighter jet portion, it was a nice distraction as these levels will be interspersed throughout the campaign.

All in all this demo has me psyched for the game. Tom Clancy’s H.A.W.K.S. was the last flight game I enjoyed. By the looks of this demo, Assault Horizon looks to up the ante. Go check out this demo if you haven’t gotten the chance. It’s out for both PS3 and Xbox 360.

I could articulate why I hate the Star Wars prequels so. Possibly with a well thought out dissertation filled with exhaustive research and facts. I could even make references to the original Star Wars films and present an air tight case for why I think the Star Wars prequels suck. Though that would take a lot of work, time, devotion, and madness. Thankfully Red Letter Media has taken the time to properly do such a thing. From Episode 1 to Episode 3, they rip the prequels to shreds while being consistently funny, biting, witty, and entertaining.

I will admit some of these reviews are long, with the review of Revenge of the Sith being a three parter, but trust me, it’s worth it. Seeing your every complaint so perfectly stated, and other issues addressed you never considered is quite invigorating. So enjoy, and may the schwartz be with you.

BTW: Stick around the site if you want to check out thier other reviews of the Star Trek: The Next Generation films and other entertaining videos. They’ll also give you pizza rolls.

This goes without saying, but I’ll say it anyway. These videos are probably NSFW with some language.

Star Wars: Episode I review
Star Wars: Episode II review
Star Wars: Episode III review

Substance TV is back and better than ever baby! First of all, let me tell you there are a lot of changes starting with this “volume”.

No longer will Substance TV be known as “episodes”. Instead they will be known as “volumes” to greater reflect what we see Substance TV as. Each volume will focus on one game, unlike previous episodes which covered three games. This will allow us to cover each game with even more detail and care. As a bonus we can get each volume out quicker on a monthly basis.

We’re also putting a stronger emphasis on the history, designers, composers, and everything related to the game. We see Substance TV as a companion piece to each game we cover. Something that will be entertaining, informative, and hopefully you’ll leave with a bit of information you didn’t know before.

In volume 1 we take a look at Zone of the Enders: The Second Runner. So without further ado, enjoy. (For a high quality download of this volume, click here or go to the download page.)

BTW: What do you guys think of the new format and volume? Let us know by posting in the comments below.

So you want to know what makes a good review show, podcast, or blog? Oh, you don’t? Well I’ve spent hours over a hot stove cooking up this batch of ideas, so you sit down and listen! In the three years since I started doing reviews, I’ve learned a lot. Some through seeing what others have done, and some from personal experience. Now I don’t pretend to have it all figured out, but I want to pass along a few tips when it comes to being a quality reviewer. Whether written, spoken, or video, these pointers apply to all. I hope you find this advice helpful. (BTW: This list is in no particular order)

IGNORE THE SPAM
There’s nothing better than receiving a well thought out and mature critical response to your review. If you’ve been around the internet for more then oh let’s say 5 seconds, you know it can be a cruel and jaded place full of douchebags and trolls. In your journey as a reviewer, you will undoubtedly run into one of them (sometimes an entire herd!). What should you do? Two words: ignore them.

Now I’ll admit, I’ve been lured by the sweet smell of flame bait, but I learned something, responding to them only hurts your review. For starters, they are not interested in having a conversation or reasoning with you. They are interested in causing havoc and mayhem. In responding to them, you’ve given them just want they want, your attention and time, which they will promptly waste. And don’t fight fire with fire by coming back with an acidic response, it only derails what you were trying to do originally which was provide a quality review. Also, don’t encourage your fans or others to flame back as again it will only make things worse.

Simply put, if you ignore them, they will go away.

NO WHINING
Be thankful for what you have. Yes there are other reviewers out there with more viewers, subscribers, views, or popularity. Here’s the thing, you’re not them, and why would you want to be? There’s nothing wrong with using a popular reviewer as inspiration, but be the reviewer you want to be. There will always be other reviewers with less popularity, just as much popularity, and more popularity than you. You can’t change that. The only thing you have control over is the content you put out. I’ll agree, there are some reviewers I don’t think deserve the praise and fanfare they get, but who cares. The only way to combat the crap is to keep doing what you’re doing. Complaining about it won’t change anything but maybe tick off a few fanboys and make you look like a tool.

KEEP BANGING YOUR HEAD AGAINST THE WALL
Ever feel like you’ve done the most awesome video ever to grace planet Earth, yet you feel like no one gives a crap? Welcome to reality cupcake. The brutal truth is, crappy videos get a ton of views. Why? Simple, because people enjoy seeing crap and spreading it around. It’s humorous and entertaining (a.k.a. Rick Roll). So you know what you do, you work your face off and post another review. If that one gets ignored, you work your face off and post another one. Rinse, repeat. As long as you try and put your best effort into each review, your persistence will pay off. There are those who seem to make it big after only a few reviews, and that’s just luck I guess. All you can do is continue to make quality reviews and put yourself out there. At some point, people will take notice.

BE HUMBLE
There’s nothing worse than a cocky know it all. If you’ve gotten some notoriety or have a few fans, don’t let it get to your head. As the saying goes, there’s always a bigger fish out there. I’ve done this for three years, and still I learn something everyday, look at ways to improve my writing, editing, graphics, or sound. And no, you were not the first to do “X”. Most likely there was someone else before you who did “X” in some way or another before you were even born. Taking credit for it is plain stupid. Keep your head high, but your feet grounded and you should be fine.

QUALITY OVER QUANTITY
Some out there may argue it’s important to have a steady stream of content to keep fans and viewers coming back. While I agree in principle, I think the obsession with just putting out “stuff” can be a stumbling block. Your first goal should be making something of quality. Whether it’s humorous, serious, satirical, or awkward, put your best effort into it. If you wouldn’t read, listen, or watch it, why would you expect others to?

STAY AWAY FROM THE PATH OF THE TROLL
I’ve already covered how to handle those who troll you, but be careful not to turn into one yourself. If someone has posted a terrible blog, podcast, or video, either post helpful criticism, or shut it. That video you just watched may be the worst thing ever captured on film, but making troll like comments only wastes your time and labels you as a twat supreme.

KEEP YOURSELF IN GOOD COMPANY
If you want to be a good reviewer, stick with other good reviewers you enjoy. Befriend those you enjoy reading, listening, or watching. Wish you had more subscribers or viewers? Then pay it forward. Comment, rate, subscribe, e-mail, or in some way help those reviewers you enjoy. You may be surprised what happens.

DO IT FOR THE RIGHT REASONS
If you’re in this review rat race for fame or fortune, for your own good, get out. There are plenty of other quicker and better ways to make it big. And again, it wastes your time. Life is too short to be wasted on doing those things you hate. You spend your days working at a job you hate (or maybe not), so why waste your free time doing something you hate.

PUT A CONTROLLER IN YOUR HANDS
Sometimes it’s easy to forget why you started reviewing games, because you loved playing them. After working for a bit, take a break and play some games. If not, video games can turn into a chore, and you don’t want to ruin that beautiful relationship now do ya?

GET YOUR PRIORITIES STRAIGHT:
Video games are great, and reviewing them is great as well. Trick is, don’t let that interfere with your normal life. Don’t lose perspective and forget what really matters. Family and friends come first. I’ve seen more than a few people get so wrapped up they neglect to put time and effort into those things that really matter.

Hopefully this smattering of words has helped in some way. There are some more tips I have, but we’ll cover that down the road. Keep on doing what you’re doing you fine people.

The enigmatic Kasumi Goto steps into the limelight in BioWare’s latest DLC for Mass Effect 2. You may have heard of her exploits in news reports while traveling through the Citadel and Illium. Titled simply, “Kasumi\’s Stolen Memory”, you are tasked with helping the hooded thief crash a high profile party in an elaborate heist to gain possession of an important object. The object of value is no mere piece of art. Kasumi refers to it as a “gray box” containing the memories of her former partner. More importantly, it contains valuable information critical to your mission and the survival of the universe.

Is this DLC worth forking over seven greenbacks? Read on to see…

After your accept Kasumi’s loyalty mission on the Citadel, a new neighboring system opens up. In pure Bond fashion, Shepard sports a more refined futuristic black suit. The entire mission oozes that 007 swagger. Team up with a beautiful and mysterious babe, invite yourself to the most lavish party, dress to the nines, use a ridiculous alias, hob nob with the galaxy’s well to do, sneak into private lofts looking for clues, break into a safe containing valuable goods, and you’re a regular Sean Connery. Only thing missing is a chick in a bikini running down a beach, but I don’t think Kasumi’s that kind of gal.

Of course it wouldn’t be Bond if you didn’t get into a bit of gun play between it all. It’s less sneaking around and more, “Find a clue, OH NO THEY FOUND US, SHOOT! SHOOT! SHOOT!”. I tell you what, these structures of the future are made with some amazingly effective sound dampening material. I could have re-enacted the cobbling scene from ‘Misery’ and no one would have been the wiser.

Towards the end of the mission, Shepard gains access to a new weapon called the “Locust” SMG. Known as the gun that killed two presidents, it has quickly become my new SMG of choice as it is much more accurate than any other SMG currently in my arsenal. As a Vanguard, my SMG is a mainstay, but the horrible accuracy made it unusable in many medium to long range combat situations. In exchange for accuracy, the rate of fire is slightly slower, but a worthwhile trade-off.

Kasumi is a welcome addition to your crew. As a thief, her skills reflect the trade, cloaking herself, sneak tactics, and a few other tools get the job done. Her specialty skill is a ninja like move, aptly named “Shadow Strike”. She cloaks herself and sneaks behind the enemy uncloaking to deal a deadly blow with her omni-tool. An Overload skill makes her great against synthetics. As with all other loyalty missions, completing the mission gains the character’s loyalty ability. In this case it’s a quick grenade like flash bang that disables the enemy. This makes her effective against both synthetics and organics. If you’re tired of your other tech squad mates, she’s a perfect fill in.

As a character, I enjoyed Kasumi. Her design is slick and looks ripped straight from the next Star Ward Knights of the Old Republic. Though she doesn’t know how to apply lipstick correctly. Poor gal looks like she’s mental or didn’t have a mirror. She’s cool, calculated, and brilliant, with a touch of personality and flare. The voice actor portraying Kasumi fits the bill with an excellent delivery and perfect tone. Compared to Zaeed, she’s a breath of fresh air. Less cliché and more unique. That guy struck me as a tool from the word go.

I’ve steered clear of revealing important details concerning the mission. I want it to be a surprise when you play through. I can tell you the story and resolution is satisfying. At the end of the mission, you will be asked to weigh in on an important decision concerning Kasumi. The ramifications of your decision are unknown at this point, but I would be interested to see how it may effect Mass Effect 3.

I’m not going to sit here and figure out the price point comparative to the retail game or the price per minute. That’s plain stupid. Either it’s worth it or it’s not. No amount of mathematics will change that fact.

Final verdict: Buy it!

The DLC clocks in around 60-90 minutes depending on your pacing. Not only is the story and mission interesting, Kasumi as a character is well worth the price of admission. Add in a new outfit for Shepard, a SMG with decent accuracy, a few tech upgrades, a chance to gain extra Paragon or Renegade points, a 15 point achievement, and you’ve got yourself one fine package. For fans of BioWare’s Dragon Age, you’ll get a kick out of the included easter egg within the mission. The DLC is priced at 560 Microsoft space bucks or $7 in the States.

BioWare has a way of crafting a compelling narrative that captivates and makes you genuinely care about these virtual people. It’s part of what draws you in and keeps you coming back for more. Problem is, I always want more. Keep the DLC coming BioWare. I need my fix!

BTW: For those who chose Tali in your quest for love, Kasumi has a few words to say on the matter once you complete the mission and talk to her back aboard the Normandy. I’m curious to know if the conversation is exclusive to Tali or if Kasumi has something to say about each crew member depending on who you chose. For those that bought the DLC, what were your thoughts?

I’ll admit it, I’m obsessed with Mass Effect 2. As the last name of the credits scrolled by, one all consuming thought entered my brain: ME WANT MORE! Even after investing 42 hours and pouring over every single mission and quest, the addiction couldn’t be satisfied.

I was a little more than excited when I heard about the Firewalker DLC coming March 23rd. While at the same time, I was worried. I loved the original Mass Effect, but let’s be honest, the Mako was a big brown smeared turd that made planet exploration a chore.

So is the Hammerhead a worthwhile addition to the Mass Effect world, or nothing more than a Mako with a new paint job? Read on to find out…

Once the Firewalker DLC finished downloading, I accessed the galaxy map, and a new system appears for exploration. Scanning one particular planet reveals an anomaly (surprise, surprise). This new planet is a barren fiery wasteland with rivers of molten lava. As you exit the lander, right smack dab in front of you is a huge metal container. A simple decryption, and voila, there she is, the Hammerhead. I have to say, it looks pretty sweet. Much sleeker and sexier than the Mako.

Right off the bat, I could feel the difference in the vehicle. First and foremost, it’s a hovercraft. Turning left and right is as simple as pressing left and right. Steering and speed are controlled by the left analog. Yes, this is the same setup as the Mako, but since this is a hovercraft, it can move in any direction seamlessly. Simple as that. No worry about backing up or making a sluggish uncontrollable 3 point turn.

As this mission/tutorial begins, I’m directed towards a glowing blue cylinder (hmmmm me thinks this is a sign). I head in that direction, but there is a valley between me and my goal. Like the Mako, ‘A’ makes you vehicle jump, but the similarities end there. Your jump is less of a small hop into the air (with a uncontrollable fall to the ground), and more of a steady ascension upwards (and a soft graceful landing). You can go much higher than before. Holding ‘A’ will continue to move the craft skyward for a few seconds. After a few seconds, the boost stops and you fall. But unlike the Mako, once your boost ends, you can press ‘A’ once more to boost back up giving you greater control of your momentum.

After clearing the gap, I get to the first checkpoint marked by a yellow circle on the ground. The games prompts me to press ‘Y’ to begin a scan. Now this next part I don’t quite understand. I move the Hammerhead into the middle of the circle and begin my scan. For some reason, the Hammerhead goes into seizures as it scans shaking and moving all around. This moves me out of the circle, and the scan fails. The next try, I do my best to wrangle the vehicle into the circle by using the left analog to compensate. A few seconds later, I’ve scanned the point and it’s on to the next point. It’s just weird that your ship goes into contortions while scanning. Must me a bad flux capacitor.

While you can move forward by pressing up and the analog, you also have access to a boost via the left trigger. As the name implies, it makes you go faster. I get to a point with debris and I’m prompted to clear it by shooting the Hammerhead’s weapon. Pressing the right trigger shoots a small missile like projectile. The rest of the mission plays out the same, scan, scan, and scan. Pretty much, the first mission is set up to do nothing more than a glorified tutorial, and in that respect, it does the job well.

After the first mission is complete, new missions open up in other parts of the galaxy. Most feel like a glorified tutorial with some action bits mixed in. You won’t be blown away by any means, but as a side distraction, it’s entertaining.

This DLC is available as part of the Cerberus Network, so this DLC is a no brainier for me. For those who bought it used, the Cerebrus network will run you 1200 Microsoft points ($15 in the States). As a stand alone DLC, it’s a bit underwhelming in the story department. In fact there is no story, it’s straight up gameplay. So don’t think of the Firewalker DLC alone as $15. There is a plethora of other content available through the network. And with new content in the future, I’d say it’s a worthwhile addition.

Think of this as BioWare’s official apology for the Mako. I look forward to seeing future content released using the Hammerhead with a little more meat.

Bottom line: If you get the chance, check this out. Think of it as an introduction to the Hammerhead. It’s not a groundbreaking addition, but it’s still a blast to play.

For those who downloaded it, what are your thoughts?

It’s fair to say Blaster Master Overdrive lived up to the hype, since it was released merely two days after it was announced. The verdict? Well, Overdrive turns out to be a failed experiment and feels very much like an unfinished game. Here is list of fundamental issues I had with the game:

1. The tank’s main gun overheats. (The gun has it’s own bar that drains with every shot, but refills). This means you have to wait for the gun to cool down before you can use it. What now?

2. The tank jumps half as high as the original NES game. Not nearly high enough.

3. The BLAAHHHH looking enemy explosions.

4. Walking outside of the tank in the sidescrolling areas feels like you should be using a walker.

5. You no longer can throw grenades, instead you have a rocket launcher that fires a shot every 2 seconds.

6. THE FLIPPIN’ TANK’S GUN OVERHEATS!

But, the enemy’s are in full color instead of monochromatic. Hmm… I guess that’s game’s biggest plus. As a no name freebie Flash game, it may work, but as a Blaster Master game, it fails. So please, spend your hard earned money on anything but this.

- Erik