Substance TV

Over the past few months, I’ve had a few viewers ask me why don’t I give “scores” or “points” to games I review. While this may be popular in other video game review shows, magazines, or in general, I find it annoying and useless…

Think about it. Let’s say a reviewer gives game “X” a 7.8 out of 10, while he gives another game a 3 out of 10. Of course it’s quite easy to see which game is better. Problem being, there’s more then one game video game out there. In fact there’s quite a few from what I understand. Problem number two, what if game “X” gets an 8.3? Are you really saying to yourself, “Wow, an 8.3? Well shucks, had the game been an 8.2, I would have never bought it, but that extra 0.1 really got me all jazzed about it!”

You’re right, no sane human being would ever say such a thing (hopefully you wouldn’t say “jazzed” either). Then you have a myriad of different scoring systems from 1 out of 4, to A+ to F, then there’s the this percent out of 100%, and the list goes on and on. It’s all a bunch of inconsequential mumbo jumbo worth about as much as half a mosquito fart (yes, that is a quantifiable measurement). When it comes down to it, all that matters is should you buy the game, or should you not buy the game. In this day and age of $60 video games (I still can’t believe it myself), why mess it up with this bull? Either the game is worth the money, or it’s not.

So, I’ve simplified it down to basics. We’re not in school anymore, and I don’t expect people to memorize a bunch of meaningless figures. It’s just as simple as “Yes, buy the game, it is good”. Ah, but you say, “Brian, you review so many great games, I cannot afford to buy them all. You crack dealing video game fiend, I am ruined!!”. While I hear your cries, not to worry, you don’t have to buy every game all at once. Think of it as a little checklist of sorts. Once you buy a game, check it off the list and move on. Collect them all even!

Then others say, “Yes Brian, I am so filthy rich I can eat magical unicorn buttholes all day. So I can afford all the games you review, but in what order should I buy them?”. Yet another astute question. The answer is, whatever order tickles your fancy (that’s phrase always sounded a bit odd to me). I try and review a wide array of games so that at least one game in my many reviews will suit your tastes. Then after that, be adventurous and try all the video game flavors.

I would end this with some little quip or smart remark, but I’m all out at the moment.